Social Distancing

This week one kind person asked how my kids are faring with all that is currently going on in the world. This question struck me, because to be quite honest, nothing much has changed for my kids. We homeschool, so school has been the same. We shop once a week for groceries, so that hasn’t changed. We go to church online a good bit, so that hasn’t been any different. The main thing that has changed is not seeing friends and family for play dates and such. So, after reflecting on the ladies question my husband and I have decided that we were social distancing before it was cool. While it may seem sad to you, for us it really hasn’t been. This time of social distancing has been full of purpose.

My social distancing started when I moved to a new city 8 years ago. I moved to a place where I knew no one except my husband and his family. While I tried to stay in contact with friends, it just wasn’t the same as seeing them in person. I did keep a close relationship with my mom, dad, brother, sister and soon to be sister-in-law. Please don’t think that I was without social fun though. I worked to meet new people and built friendships.

My plans of building strong relationships was thwarted by the first rumbles of my battle with Lyme disease. I was so tired that I didn’t have the energy to put into building relationships. I was also pregnant with our first child. Then our sweet baby girl was born and honestly, I only wanted to spend time building a relationship with her. So, although we were involved in a local church and small group, we still felt like our little circle of relationships wasn’t growing.

As many of you know, my battle with Lyme was very debilitating. I had to cancel more plans than I got to follow through with. My group of relationships got smaller and smaller. Let me pause for a moment and just say that I am forever grateful for the precious relationships that God did give during this time. I am thankful that I didn’t have many friendships to maintain during this time. It was an exhausting time and just attending to daily life was sometimes more than I could handle.

So, here we are in a mandatory time of social distancing. You may wonder why I shared a bit about my lack of relationships. Well, I have looked back over that time and thought about a few things I have learned about God. I think the things that He taught me may be of value for the time that we are living in now and I just wanted to share.

The first thing that I learned is that God created seasons. Yes, He made seasons that are marked on a calendar, but I mean seasons of life. He takes us through seasons of great joy, sorrow, waiting, movement, health and sickness. If the God of the universe made seasons, then He must have a purpose for each one, right? I believe that He does have purpose for every moment of our lives. The sooner we embrace and walk with grace through each season the sooner He brings the next one. I always refer to my time of sickness as my season of Lyme. It was a season! And this is a season of social distancing. It will not last forever. It will end. So take heart, another season is on its way.

The next thing that God taught me is that times of isolation are for God. Yes, He is jealous for your time. He wants to have a growing relationship with you. I tell my kids often that they were created because God wanted a friend just like them. And this is truth. He wants you to be His friend. Sometimes the seasons of slowness are there to remind you how much He wants to know you. So, press into time with Him during this season of slowness.

 Which leads me to the next thing I learned. Stillness does not mean inactivity. Over and over in scripture, God asks us to be still, to rest. This is not something that I find enjoyable. I am a mover and a shaker. My mind is always at work and my body isn’t too far behind. However, during my season with Lyme, I had no choice but to be still and rest. Seriously, I had a compromised immune system, I had to have people grocery shop for me. I didn’t leave my house. Yikes! While this seemed like a nightmare at first, I heard God say to take this time to learn. So, after much arguing, I agreed to learn. He taught me how to be a better mom and wife. He taught me about great loss. He taught me how to pray for others. He taught me how to research like my life depended on it (because in many ways it did). He taught me about grace for those who have walked before me. He taught me so many things that I should write a book (maybe one day I will). In my stillness and rest before God, there was never inactivity. He was always teaching me something. So, take this time to learn from God. What have you been wanting to learn? What has He been trying to teach you?

One last thing that God walked me through is how to be joyful and content in all circumstances. There are seasons of singleness, marriage, motherhood (or fatherhood), being young and being old. Each season is so valuable. Each season should be respected and enjoyed to the fullest. I think of my kids and how eager they are to get to their next birthday. They want to get to the next step. However, with that mindset, there are joys that are missed. For my kids they may miss the joy of building forts outside if they are too worried about how many days until the next great adventure camping. Being content with the season is the only way that you can also be joyful in that season. This one is so hard, but probably the most valuable lesson of all the lessons that God poured into me. I encourage you to find contentment in this moment. What is something that you are thankful for during this time of social distancing? Having trouble? Thank God for your basic needs. I promise you will find more to be thankful for. All this thanking God will then breed contentment. Then joy will flow as a result.

Well, dear friends, I am praying that you and yours are healthy and well. I pray that these crazy thoughts from an equally crazy gal help to encourage your heart. I pray God blesses you!

I will end with this thought from the Psalms:

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth.’ The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”-Psalm 46

Valley of Dry Bones

I am going to speak and share boldly a word that the Lord shared with me from scripture many years ago and refreshed in my heart again during this season. Please know that I share my story with humility and only to point you toward my God.

While I was walking through my journey with Lyme, I was searching for meaning in such deep suffering. I knew that everything is filtered through the loving and just hands of God. But honestly I was struggling to find purpose in that season. To some extent I believe that God has yet to reveal some of the purposes of that time. However, there is one thing that He clearly revealed.

Despite the dry place that I was experiencing, God was calling me to war. War on my knees. He was calling me to praise and pray like never before. The Holy Spirit was already there but God wanted my dry bones to be activated to action.

Let me back up just a bit. I was reading in Ezekiel 37 about the valley of dry bones. Verse 2 states: “He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry.” I thought, yep, that describes me, dry! Many of my relationships had dried up. My interactions with the world were dried up. My church life was dry. I was exhausted and felt physically dry. DRY! DRY! DRY!

However, the scriptures in Ezekiel 37 also talk about a call to attention. A call to come alive. Ezekiel 37:5 says, “This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” I thought, alright, I am ready for some living. I am ready to be the wife and mom that I always thought I would be. I am ready to reach out and speak boldly about the Lord. God spoke to my soul and said but wait, that isn’t what I meant.

God’s purpose in awakening me was to pray and praise! Let me be clear, my circumstances did not change. My dry relationships did not change. My interactions with the world did not change. My church life did not change. My physical condition did not change. But God was calling my heart and soul to change. He was calling me to purpose in the dry valley. He was calling my heart and soul to awaken and dance!

Throughout scripture God calls us to pray and praise. These two actions almost always go hand in hand; like one activates that other. So, I searched out more times to praise Him during my dry season. I become a prayer, like never before. I went to war in during my praise and pray time with Him. God used a time that the enemy meant for evil, my time with Lyme, and He turned it for His good. Seeds of prayer and praise were planted. I have seen Him be victorious in my life as a result of that season of prayer and praise.

So, why share this now? As Christians, I believe that we are in a dry bone valley right now throughout the world. We have been coasting through our walk with God. In many ways, we have become comfortable in our routines and rituals. I know that suffering is filtered through the hands of our loving and just God. I know that the COVID-19 virus was filtered through His hands. This means there has to be purpose in this suffering. Could it be that God wants to bring His church out of the valley? Could it be that God wants His church to be activated back to life? Could it be that He wants His church to pray and praise? Could it be that He is calling us to war on our knees? Could it be that He wants to awaken your heart and your soul?

I love this song that is based on Ezekiel 37. Let the words soak into your heart and soul. Seek out the purpose in this time as a follower of Christ.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34da6kgdrEw

Evaluation

Hello All,
It is that time...evaluation time! We all have things in our lives that may need evaluation. For me and my little family it is time to evaluate my health and current treatments.
We are not saying that we are drastically changing things, but we may. We wanted to reach out to you guys and ask that you be praying with us about direction, peace, and wisdom.
If you have been following me for the past few years you may remember that I have been on long-term antibiotics. This is not something that we have taken lightly, as I am a believer in homeopathic treatments as well as traditional medicine. After being on antibiotics for almost 2 1/2 years, and dealing with side effects, we have decided to see what my next round of bloodwork looks like. If there still isn't a mark improvement we are looking to change treatments to no longer include antibiotics.
You may wonder what treatments would look like if I'm not on antibiotics. Honestly, at this point we aren't sure which direction we need to go in. There are many options!
When I first started this journey, a lady pointed me in the direction of an herbalist in North Carolina who had won the fight against Lyme and helped her son heal from it as well. Over the years, I have incorporated several of her teas and such. As Jason and I have been seeking wisdom we have found that there are several things that have been missing in my overall plan for health. This herbalist outlines her journey to wellness. We are leaning toward following her plan. It includes several of the key areas that we feel may have been missing up to this point.
I will also be revamping our eating habits. With Christmas and then birthday season, we may have added a few things that are not helpful to healing. Hehe...doesn't everyone struggle with this? Anyway, we will be cutting gluten, dairy, and sugar out of our diets again. We may add some more juicing options into our options as well. I am excited about this part of the journey. I love trying to figure out which foods are most helpful for healing and which ones are not. We may even be taking the leap into strictly organic food. We have incorporated organics before, but never jumped into the strict organic world yet.
These are just a few of the things that we may change up. Again, please be praying for direction, peace and wisdom. We look forward to sharing what God continues to show us in the days ahead!
Until next time...

The Power of a Moment

I have recently been introduced to the world of Facebook classifieds. It is a crazy world where someone posts something that they are getting rid of and you can comment and then go pick it up on their porch. It is exciting and a neat way to sell unneeded things too.

So, I decided to try my hand at selling some items recently. I posted in my closed group on Facebook and ladies started commenting on the things they wanted. I put a gray storage box on my front porch and put the items in on the days that they wanted to pick up.

On a bad health day, I was sitting in the living room and heard a lady on the front porch open the storage box and take her items. I was struck with a thought. What did that lady hear in those few moments that she was outside my house? What would she think about me from that moment of insight into my life? In reality she probably just thinks I like Food Network, as I am sure that was what I was watching on television. However, it made me start thinking about the power of a moment.

What can a moment say about us? What impact can a single moment leave?

If someone looked at one moment of my life, I would hope that they would see that I love my kids. But let’s face it, the cashier at the grocery store might say otherwise. She only saw the weary momma who was just trying to get home with a kiddo that kept asking for every candy at the checkout. What the heck!?! We don’t even eat candy, but that doesn’t keep my girl from asking for it. Anyway, Cali, the cashier probably thought I needed to get a handle on my kid.

And the pharmacist at CVS, I can only guess what she must think about the sick looking, no makeup, crazy haired gal that I am when I go in there. She probably seriously wonders about me! I mean I am in there just about every week picking up a different prescription. Junky? Umm, no, but it could look that way.

And what about the restaurant owner who sees Jason and I once a week when we go to Atlanta for treatments. I admit that I look normal and put together when we enter the restaurant, but what do they think when they see Jason helping me stand up? I mean I am only 34 and I look healthy. I would imagine that they wonder why I need help.

My point is a moment is powerful! It can teach people about us. It can display our passions, joys, loves, beliefs, and goals. It can uncover our pains, inadequacies, and unlovely parts.

This is my goal, that my moments will be god honoring. That even if someone only sees a moment in my life, that they will see a glimpse of Jesus. Not because of me, but because of my good God. Not for my glory, but for the glory of my God.

 “But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: ‘Be holy, because I am holy’.” 1 Peter 1:15-16

Until next time...

Health Update

As promised, here is a health update. I have thought very hard about what to share with you. Not because I don’t mind sharing, it is just hard to share everything but not too much of the struggles that I am having. I guess in some ways, I would much rather just sit down over tea and chat with you. But then that may create some challenges with this crazy brain fog that I am experiencing.

Anyway, I suppose I will start with my pregnancy. Everything was normal as far as pregnancy goes. However, pregnancy caused my somewhat sleeping Lyme to erupt. Yep, that’s a good image of what happened. It was like a volcano that had been dormant, suddenly erupting.

I starting losing what little energy I had very quickly. I starting having crazy heart palpitations, dizziness and feeling faint. I went to a specialist and was tested, tested, tested. Only to be told that I was too young to be having any heart problems and they didn’t see anything conclusive on my tests. At least they didn’t tell me I was crazy and it was all in my head, but still it was a dead end. My OBGYN was not overly concerned with my Lyme, which was a bit concerning. She scheduled a C-section and monitored my platelets during pregnancy. We also had to change much of my medications and herbal protocols during pregnancy. The concern for my baby kept me on my toes looking at bloodwork and watching for signs of anything that needed to be changed. It was an exhausting time!

I was in labor for 24 hours before they started the mandated C-section. I went through surgery and was thrilled with the healthy little man that joined our family. I had a better recovery than with our little girl. I guess maybe it was because I knew what to expect, or maybe it was because I have been doing so much research. Anyway, recovery was normal. Jason was with me and has remained a rock the whole time. Our little girl was and is thrilled with her baby brother.

Having another baby and being so sick was a blow to progress that had been made in trying for remission of Lyme. Don’t get me wrong, we feel so blessed to have our sweet little man here and would not trade him for anything. I am just stating the truth of the situation. So, in many ways we are starting all over again.

Our little man has been here for 8 months. They have been full months. Full of joy, laughter, pain, and sickness. We have enjoyed watching our children grow and learn. We have laughed on the good days. We have cried on the bad days.

So, what does a good day look like at our house? I had one today. I woke up and was able to cuddle with my kiddos before heading into the kitchen where my husband was heating up the muffins that I had the energy to make the night before. We enjoyed a pleasant breakfast before Jason went to his office to work (it is so nice to know that he is just down the hall). I dressed both kids and then got dressed myself. I even put on makeup and did my hair. I sat down on the floor (a rare occurrence indeed) and played a game and then tea party with both kids in attendance. A little later we got ready and had lunch out with Jason. It was a lighthearted time in which everyone enjoyed laughing and eating. Our little man went home with daddy for a nap. My little girl and I headed to the library to play on the computers and get some fun books to read. She had a great time, but I will admit that the time exhausted me. She didn’t mind, she wanted to read her books from the library. So, we spent the rest of the afternoon reading. I had just enough energy to help Jason with dinner. We got the kids to bed and that was all I had energy for. That was a good day! I got to enjoy my family and go on an adventure with my little girl. We like good days!

What would a bad day look like? I am just being honest, it isn’t all that pretty. It can be depressing. It can be overwhelming. And I may not share everything. A bad day starts off with debilitating joint pain, a migraine headache, heart racing, and ringing in my ears. There is no cuddling with my kiddos, because the pain is too great to move. It may take me several minutes just to sit up in the bed. Jason takes care of the kids and breakfast while I try to move from my room to the living room. As I pass the medicine cabinet, I take a handful of pills before collapsing on the couch, which will be my home for the day. Jason brings the kids into the living room with me and goes to work. I try to entertain the kiddos between moments of needing to close my eyes. My girl is so sweet and always asks what she can do to make me feel better. She will bring me a blanket and tell me she hopes it helps the headache go away. Jason fixes lunch, which they eat in the kitchen while I eat mine in the living room. Normally my head hurts too much to lift it off the pillow and my hips will scream if I move too much. Jason puts little man down for a nap and goes back to work. My little girl is my quiet comfort in the afternoons as she brings toys into the living room to play. We have tea parties while I lay on the couch. Jason fixes dinner when he gets finished with work, again I eat it alone in the living room. Then the babies come and say their prayers with me before crawling into bed. By the end of the day I am having cognitive difficulties and may only be able to answer yes and no questions. Jason helps me to bed and we hope that the next day is better. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. There are times that these periods last 3 to 4 days and end by leaving me sweating and exhausted.

There are times that I see the lives of friends and even myself in days gone by and see life passing me by. I only get out to go to the pharmacy, doctor and to pick up my groceries (I order them online, isn’t that crazy?). The days that we get out and do something fun like eat lunch or go to the library or park are the rare exception. And those days leave me exhausted. I was reminded that life isn’t passing me by though. I am living life. Most days I would say that it only feels like I am surviving life, but I am living. And I am thankful that I am alive. I am blessed to be alive. I can’t tell you why I am sick. I can’t tell you why I am in this season of illness. I can’t tell you why I can’t get on the floor and play with my kids every day. I can’t tell you why I can’t have dinner out with friends. I CAN tell you that I know it is a season and it will end. I am confident of that!

So, please keep asking me to dinner. Please continue to include me in your life. Keep asking me how I am doing. I may hate the answer that I must give, but it helps to know that people care. Continue to pray. I know it can be hard. I know my illness isn’t easy to understand. I know it is hard to see suffering. But this season will end and I still want to have relationships when I get to the next season of victory!

I am thankful to have my sweet family as my support. Without them, I honestly don’t know what I would do! There are many days that my little girl goes to Gigi and Pops house just so that she can play outside and run. Every time my sister comes to my house she does my dishes or folds the clean laundry that has been piled up for days. I am so thankful and blessed by their giving hearts for me and my little family.

During this overwhelming illness, I know God is good. I know He loves me. I know He will save me. We are hopeful that this year holds remission of Lyme. Short of God healing me, there is no hope greater than remission.

Along with my Lyme doctor, we have changed several drugs that I have been on. I am still going for ozone treatments in Atlanta once a week. I am also introducing several new herbal and homeopathic treatments. We are hopeful that we are not even close to exhausting our options for treatments of this crazy thing called Lyme.

Please continue to pray for wisdom to know what treatments are helpful and which ones are not. Pray for grace during the overwhelming moments. Please pray for strength for our little family.

We look forward to the victory season! Until next time…

Family Update

I like to use my energy to talk about my family. On what I call my bad days, they are what make me get out of bed, so why not talk about them?

Since my last update, we have added to our little family and moved. So, I had better get on the ball and update you, right?

Where to start? Well, we put our house on the market and then a month later found out that another little one was on the way. We were joyful and excited! House for sale, packing and getting ready for a baby…life was busy!

We starting looking for houses in Northeast Georgia and found several that we liked. By the time we put together an offer, they would already be under contract. The houses in our price range were not staying on the market very long. So, we were starting to get discouraged that we would not be able to stay within our budget and find a house before our little one arrived. However, we found a cute little brick house that needed some TLC and closed on our house the week of Thanksgiving a year ago.

We began renovations on our new home on Thanksgiving Day! The holidays were crazy! I was very pregnant and was not allowed to paint, but I did everything else that I could. I ordered, shopped, cleaned, and designed during every spare moment. Jason helped add a mudroom and office to the house, as well as painting just about every surface in the house. Our little girl even got in on the act as she painted doors with her daddy. She loves to paint!

During the renovations of the new house, our house near Columbus was just not selling. We had ups and downs with it. We finally were able to sell it in July to a sweet lady that our old neighbors love.

We did get moved in to our new home and somewhat settled before our second bundle of joy arrived. Our little man joined the world in May 2016. He is a healthy, bright eyed little gentleman. He laughs and makes us laugh. He just got his first tooth and is starting to get up on all fours and rock. Oh my, it is just a matter of time before he is crawling EVERYWHERE! He is a blessing and a joy to each of us!

Our little girl is 3, going on 30. She is spunky and loves to ask questions. She told me the other day that all 3 year olds ask lots of questions, it’s just what they do! She also loves to cook and do art projects. We love to cook together and she is learning a lot. She can already crack an egg, help make muffins and smoothies. She has informed us that she wants to be the next winner of the Kids Baking Challenge, and we believe her! The other night she was sitting at the table tasting dinner that Jason had cooked. She tasted the meat then looked at Jason and said, “Daddy, I’m sorry we are going to have to chop you. Your meat doesn’t taste too good. For this reason, we had to chop you.” LOL Oh my goodness! Where did she come from? We love her so much and have a good time watching her grow!

We stay busy just being a little family. We still haven’t been able to get involved in church, community and much of anything due to my illness (a health update is coming). But we love to spend time together when I am having a good day. The possibilities for fun are endless with preschoolers. Just recently we had an inch or less of snow. Our little girl was so excited that we all bundled up and trekked outside. She made a “mud angel” instead of a snow angel. We built a 3-inch snowman on the hood of the car. Then we walked down the street. We came back inside and enjoyed some hot chocolate. This only took about 30 minutes, but it meant the world to her. From her excitement, you would have thought that we had 30 inches of snow. It really is the small things that matter.

My next update will be a health update. Until next time…

Blank Page

I look at the blank page and it mocks me. It mocks me because I know that I can’t fill it. I want to fill it. My mind is full of things that I want to say. However, the reality is that my brain will not allow the words to be released to my fingers or my lips. This reality is hard for me to explain, but that is what it looks like when I am having a Lyme flare up. Some call it brain fog, some call it neurological Lyme. Whatever you call it, I have it! And some days are much worse than others.

I have looked at a blank page many times over the past few months and have wanted to fill the emptiness. I have wanted to share my journey with you. I have wanted to share what God is teaching me. I have so many funny little stories that I want to share. And yet, that blank page keeps staring at me.

I feel that I need to apologize and then feel guilt for not writing. Not updating. Not sharing my life. But apologizing takes effort too, effort that eludes me.

So, for now, I shall fill in the blank page as best I can and not worry or feel guilty. Let’s face it, we each have a journey. We can share that journey or hold it close to ourselves. Either way, our journey is not changed. So, hang in there as I attempt to share my journey through a brain that is unwilling, at times, to allow the words out. Updates to come, I promise!