Health Update

As promised, here is a health update. I have thought very hard about what to share with you. Not because I don’t mind sharing, it is just hard to share everything but not too much of the struggles that I am having. I guess in some ways, I would much rather just sit down over tea and chat with you. But then that may create some challenges with this crazy brain fog that I am experiencing.

Anyway, I suppose I will start with my pregnancy. Everything was normal as far as pregnancy goes. However, pregnancy caused my somewhat sleeping Lyme to erupt. Yep, that’s a good image of what happened. It was like a volcano that had been dormant, suddenly erupting.

I starting losing what little energy I had very quickly. I starting having crazy heart palpitations, dizziness and feeling faint. I went to a specialist and was tested, tested, tested. Only to be told that I was too young to be having any heart problems and they didn’t see anything conclusive on my tests. At least they didn’t tell me I was crazy and it was all in my head, but still it was a dead end. My OBGYN was not overly concerned with my Lyme, which was a bit concerning. She scheduled a C-section and monitored my platelets during pregnancy. We also had to change much of my medications and herbal protocols during pregnancy. The concern for my baby kept me on my toes looking at bloodwork and watching for signs of anything that needed to be changed. It was an exhausting time!

I was in labor for 24 hours before they started the mandated C-section. I went through surgery and was thrilled with the healthy little man that joined our family. I had a better recovery than with our little girl. I guess maybe it was because I knew what to expect, or maybe it was because I have been doing so much research. Anyway, recovery was normal. Jason was with me and has remained a rock the whole time. Our little girl was and is thrilled with her baby brother.

Having another baby and being so sick was a blow to progress that had been made in trying for remission of Lyme. Don’t get me wrong, we feel so blessed to have our sweet little man here and would not trade him for anything. I am just stating the truth of the situation. So, in many ways we are starting all over again.

Our little man has been here for 8 months. They have been full months. Full of joy, laughter, pain, and sickness. We have enjoyed watching our children grow and learn. We have laughed on the good days. We have cried on the bad days.

So, what does a good day look like at our house? I had one today. I woke up and was able to cuddle with my kiddos before heading into the kitchen where my husband was heating up the muffins that I had the energy to make the night before. We enjoyed a pleasant breakfast before Jason went to his office to work (it is so nice to know that he is just down the hall). I dressed both kids and then got dressed myself. I even put on makeup and did my hair. I sat down on the floor (a rare occurrence indeed) and played a game and then tea party with both kids in attendance. A little later we got ready and had lunch out with Jason. It was a lighthearted time in which everyone enjoyed laughing and eating. Our little man went home with daddy for a nap. My little girl and I headed to the library to play on the computers and get some fun books to read. She had a great time, but I will admit that the time exhausted me. She didn’t mind, she wanted to read her books from the library. So, we spent the rest of the afternoon reading. I had just enough energy to help Jason with dinner. We got the kids to bed and that was all I had energy for. That was a good day! I got to enjoy my family and go on an adventure with my little girl. We like good days!

What would a bad day look like? I am just being honest, it isn’t all that pretty. It can be depressing. It can be overwhelming. And I may not share everything. A bad day starts off with debilitating joint pain, a migraine headache, heart racing, and ringing in my ears. There is no cuddling with my kiddos, because the pain is too great to move. It may take me several minutes just to sit up in the bed. Jason takes care of the kids and breakfast while I try to move from my room to the living room. As I pass the medicine cabinet, I take a handful of pills before collapsing on the couch, which will be my home for the day. Jason brings the kids into the living room with me and goes to work. I try to entertain the kiddos between moments of needing to close my eyes. My girl is so sweet and always asks what she can do to make me feel better. She will bring me a blanket and tell me she hopes it helps the headache go away. Jason fixes lunch, which they eat in the kitchen while I eat mine in the living room. Normally my head hurts too much to lift it off the pillow and my hips will scream if I move too much. Jason puts little man down for a nap and goes back to work. My little girl is my quiet comfort in the afternoons as she brings toys into the living room to play. We have tea parties while I lay on the couch. Jason fixes dinner when he gets finished with work, again I eat it alone in the living room. Then the babies come and say their prayers with me before crawling into bed. By the end of the day I am having cognitive difficulties and may only be able to answer yes and no questions. Jason helps me to bed and we hope that the next day is better. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. There are times that these periods last 3 to 4 days and end by leaving me sweating and exhausted.

There are times that I see the lives of friends and even myself in days gone by and see life passing me by. I only get out to go to the pharmacy, doctor and to pick up my groceries (I order them online, isn’t that crazy?). The days that we get out and do something fun like eat lunch or go to the library or park are the rare exception. And those days leave me exhausted. I was reminded that life isn’t passing me by though. I am living life. Most days I would say that it only feels like I am surviving life, but I am living. And I am thankful that I am alive. I am blessed to be alive. I can’t tell you why I am sick. I can’t tell you why I am in this season of illness. I can’t tell you why I can’t get on the floor and play with my kids every day. I can’t tell you why I can’t have dinner out with friends. I CAN tell you that I know it is a season and it will end. I am confident of that!

So, please keep asking me to dinner. Please continue to include me in your life. Keep asking me how I am doing. I may hate the answer that I must give, but it helps to know that people care. Continue to pray. I know it can be hard. I know my illness isn’t easy to understand. I know it is hard to see suffering. But this season will end and I still want to have relationships when I get to the next season of victory!

I am thankful to have my sweet family as my support. Without them, I honestly don’t know what I would do! There are many days that my little girl goes to Gigi and Pops house just so that she can play outside and run. Every time my sister comes to my house she does my dishes or folds the clean laundry that has been piled up for days. I am so thankful and blessed by their giving hearts for me and my little family.

During this overwhelming illness, I know God is good. I know He loves me. I know He will save me. We are hopeful that this year holds remission of Lyme. Short of God healing me, there is no hope greater than remission.

Along with my Lyme doctor, we have changed several drugs that I have been on. I am still going for ozone treatments in Atlanta once a week. I am also introducing several new herbal and homeopathic treatments. We are hopeful that we are not even close to exhausting our options for treatments of this crazy thing called Lyme.

Please continue to pray for wisdom to know what treatments are helpful and which ones are not. Pray for grace during the overwhelming moments. Please pray for strength for our little family.

We look forward to the victory season! Until next time…

Family Update

I like to use my energy to talk about my family. On what I call my bad days, they are what make me get out of bed, so why not talk about them?

Since my last update, we have added to our little family and moved. So, I had better get on the ball and update you, right?

Where to start? Well, we put our house on the market and then a month later found out that another little one was on the way. We were joyful and excited! House for sale, packing and getting ready for a baby…life was busy!

We starting looking for houses in Northeast Georgia and found several that we liked. By the time we put together an offer, they would already be under contract. The houses in our price range were not staying on the market very long. So, we were starting to get discouraged that we would not be able to stay within our budget and find a house before our little one arrived. However, we found a cute little brick house that needed some TLC and closed on our house the week of Thanksgiving a year ago.

We began renovations on our new home on Thanksgiving Day! The holidays were crazy! I was very pregnant and was not allowed to paint, but I did everything else that I could. I ordered, shopped, cleaned, and designed during every spare moment. Jason helped add a mudroom and office to the house, as well as painting just about every surface in the house. Our little girl even got in on the act as she painted doors with her daddy. She loves to paint!

During the renovations of the new house, our house near Columbus was just not selling. We had ups and downs with it. We finally were able to sell it in July to a sweet lady that our old neighbors love.

We did get moved in to our new home and somewhat settled before our second bundle of joy arrived. Our little man joined the world in May 2016. He is a healthy, bright eyed little gentleman. He laughs and makes us laugh. He just got his first tooth and is starting to get up on all fours and rock. Oh my, it is just a matter of time before he is crawling EVERYWHERE! He is a blessing and a joy to each of us!

Our little girl is 3, going on 30. She is spunky and loves to ask questions. She told me the other day that all 3 year olds ask lots of questions, it’s just what they do! She also loves to cook and do art projects. We love to cook together and she is learning a lot. She can already crack an egg, help make muffins and smoothies. She has informed us that she wants to be the next winner of the Kids Baking Challenge, and we believe her! The other night she was sitting at the table tasting dinner that Jason had cooked. She tasted the meat then looked at Jason and said, “Daddy, I’m sorry we are going to have to chop you. Your meat doesn’t taste too good. For this reason, we had to chop you.” LOL Oh my goodness! Where did she come from? We love her so much and have a good time watching her grow!

We stay busy just being a little family. We still haven’t been able to get involved in church, community and much of anything due to my illness (a health update is coming). But we love to spend time together when I am having a good day. The possibilities for fun are endless with preschoolers. Just recently we had an inch or less of snow. Our little girl was so excited that we all bundled up and trekked outside. She made a “mud angel” instead of a snow angel. We built a 3-inch snowman on the hood of the car. Then we walked down the street. We came back inside and enjoyed some hot chocolate. This only took about 30 minutes, but it meant the world to her. From her excitement, you would have thought that we had 30 inches of snow. It really is the small things that matter.

My next update will be a health update. Until next time…

Blank Page

I look at the blank page and it mocks me. It mocks me because I know that I can’t fill it. I want to fill it. My mind is full of things that I want to say. However, the reality is that my brain will not allow the words to be released to my fingers or my lips. This reality is hard for me to explain, but that is what it looks like when I am having a Lyme flare up. Some call it brain fog, some call it neurological Lyme. Whatever you call it, I have it! And some days are much worse than others.

I have looked at a blank page many times over the past few months and have wanted to fill the emptiness. I have wanted to share my journey with you. I have wanted to share what God is teaching me. I have so many funny little stories that I want to share. And yet, that blank page keeps staring at me.

I feel that I need to apologize and then feel guilt for not writing. Not updating. Not sharing my life. But apologizing takes effort too, effort that eludes me.

So, for now, I shall fill in the blank page as best I can and not worry or feel guilty. Let’s face it, we each have a journey. We can share that journey or hold it close to ourselves. Either way, our journey is not changed. So, hang in there as I attempt to share my journey through a brain that is unwilling, at times, to allow the words out. Updates to come, I promise!